Living in bizarro world.

I’m feeling very strange of late. My surroundings seem so much more surreal and significant. It’s like I’m feeling everything. Seeing everything. It almost feels like I’ve parted ways with my physical self, and have merely become a spectator. It’s been said that if you close your eyes, it’s possible for the supposedly real world to be imagined out of existence. Or perhaps it is that when you open your eyes, you imagine it into existence. I’m not certain which reality I should be following. But who wants reality, anyway? Reality and truth lack the wonder that sustains our thoughts, that enables us to wake in the morning and see that there’s something worth looking to. So often, reality crushes hope.

 This week I’ve been reading Essays in Love by Alain de Botton. Fantastic book, the way it combines the escapism of a fiction text with the sensibility and usefulness that philosophy can offer, giving some real insight into all those conflicting emotions that arise within relationships and rationalising their existence. It can make you feel a little bit hopeless, however. The fact that it more or less gives empirical explanation that infers that love is destined for heartache is a bit demoralising. In view of all this, what makes an individual wish to embark on these romantic journeys? Do we feel that, if we just find someone who is perfect that all the supposed inevitablities associated with love will cease to apply? That we will wake up next to that person in 40 years and still feel as stunned by them as the moment we fell in love with them? Is that even possible? As I get older, and perhaps more bitter, my perspective seems to be maturing. It’s not likely to be able to live a love in that way. It’s not possible to feel that way for the rest of your life. It’s a soul crushing notion to think that we can find someone who fulfils us in every possible way, and simply makes us fall apart inside when we see their beauty, and still grow to not love them anymore, at least not in that idealised sense that rejects truth and reality.

I suppose from a personal perspective, what keeps my hope in love alive is the prospect that maybe one day I will find that someone who will keep my love forever. Maybe.

 So I saw The Jesus and Mary Chain, supported by Ghostwood and The Rakes, last night. Let’s start with Ghostwood.

They’re a small Australian band, signed with Modular, that sometimes support touring bands. From what I’d previously heard of them, their music seemed to carry that throbbing, sparse bass that was central to the sound of Joy Division. Last night, however, I think they may have piled on the distortion (they were supporting The Mary Chain, after all) and it gave them a much fuller sound. Overall I thought they were pretty good. Certainly surpassed my expectations and I wouldn’t be all to surprised if they continue to grow.

The Rakes were second, and although I’ve never really bothered to give them a listen, I wasn’t complaining about the chance to see a band of such… er… popularity (?) as a support act. I thought they were a bit of fun and were alright for what they were, with catchy songs and a bit of a mini-Bloc Party feel to them, not that that’s really my sort of thing, but I’m not saying I dislike it. Perhaps their set was a touch too long though. By the end I think most people were getting a bit restless for The Mary Chain.

After seeing JAMC at V Festival over the weekend, I wasn’t sure what my feelings were. I suppose I was a bit underwhelmed, but I think that can be partly attributed to the whole festival atmosphere that you get sometimes. The chance to see them at their own show in a good arena was something I couldn’t pass up, and I felt honoured that someone of my age could have the chance to see one of the great bands of modern music. Just as at V Fest, Jim Reid’s voice was spot on. It’s quite amazing that that is the case. And while they perhaps aren’t the most active of performers, I still got the feeling that they were thoroughly enjoying what they were doing, and that’s such an important factor when you go to see a band, especially one that has been doing it for years. My only disappoint was the lack of Psychocandy material in the set (would’ve loved to have seen ‘Never Understand’ or ‘Something’s Wrong’), but for the general atmosphere and musical precision, it was one of the better shows I’ve seen of late. Also, for once, a good Sydney crowd. I don’t think I had one single encounter with an irritating fan, nor did I have a problem seeing, what with the sloped Enmore floor. So in that aspect, another big winner of a gig.

I went to the show with my currently non-girlfriend, and we bumped into a previous girlfriend of mine who was with her boyfriend of the same name as myself. It was actually quite nice though, although I did feel a touch sized-up by my opposite number (‘What are you doing at uni?’). But otherwise it was a nice chance meeting. Matters of a relationship nature, however, grew more confusing overnight, and I remain in this purgatory of uncertainty as to what should be done.

That’s how it is though, and it’s not as if my life will forever be this way, as much as it feels like time is rushing by. Things will resolve, sooner or later, and I will reach a point of contentness.

Back to bizarro world, for the moment though.